"Ed & Petunia" (unfinished)

by WXAN & KMHM General Manager, Doug Apple

You are the jailer.  You could be the Andy Griffith type, or you could be the Barney Fife type, but there you are, the keeper of the keys. 

You have only one prisoner, a big fellow named Ed.  He has a Hell’s Angels reputation, but there he sits, lethargic, causing you no trouble at all, a model prisoner.

In time you forget about Ed’s nasty reputation.  It’s just the two of you there at the old jail all day, so you talk about things.  You give ol’ Ed a glass of lemonade now and then, even though he’s only supposed to have water.  Sometimes you even slip into his cell and play cards. 

As days turn into weeks, and weeks into months, you wonder why Ed is locked up at all.  He never gives you any trouble, and he seems perfectly harmless.

Then one day, in the middle of a game of Rook, you smell something.  Ed smells it, too.  It’s perfume.  You go back to the game, but Ed is distracted.  You see a look in Ed’s eyes like you’ve never seen before, and decide it’s time to slip out of his cell and check things out.

You step out front in time to see someone coming down the road, a woman.  Petunia.  Yes, you’ve heard about Petunia.  The Sheriff told you to watch for her, and at all costs to keep her away from Ed.  Well, there she is, so now what?  Should you run her off?  She seems harmless enough, unarmed, not even a cake with a file in it.

As Petunia approaches, you hear noises back inside the jail.  The native is restless. 

What does she want?  She wants to visit Ed.  You tell her she can’t, but she’s a sweet-talker.  From behind you Ed is calling out to Petunia.  Now she’s calling back to him, “I’ll be right there, Honey, as soon as this handsome young man lets me in.”

Ed says, “Come on, you can let her in, the sheriff will never know.” 

Petunia adds, “That’s right, and besides, the sheriff is kinda sweet on me, that’s why he doesn’t want me to talk to Ed.”  ‘

With that new information, you decide one little visit won’t hurt.  But as soon as Ed and Petunia get in close proximity, Ed becomes the Hell’s Angel you had heard about.  And what’s this?  He took the keys from you while you were playing cards, and now he’s unlocking his cell.  Ed and Petunia embrace and begin to leave.  You try to intervene, but Ed surprises you with an elbow to the nose so fierce that blood splatters and you collapse.  The last thing you see is Ed and Petunia walking out arm in arm, and taking with them your job, your reputation, and everything you had worked so hard for over the years.

The Story Explained

Ed represents the Evil Desire found within every human being.  Petunia is short for Opportunity .  We are the jailer, responsible for keeping these two from getting together.  The Sheriff is the Lord, who tells us what to do, then expects us to do it.

As long as we keep opportunity away, our evil desires won’t give us much trouble.  But we must not become friendly with them.  We must realize the danger they present, if given the opportunity.

You know the Ed in your life.  What is his weakness?  Keep him away from it – far away from it. 

    ^{JAS 1:13} When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; ¹⁴ but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. ¹⁵ Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

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